Sunday, October 14, 2007

There is no place like Nebraska...


It would not be too much of an exaggeration to say that Husker football is comparable to religion in Nebraska; what are the chances that there are 85,800 people in church in Lincoln on Sundays, as there are in the stadium on Saturdays? Even better, what are the chances that anyone would pay $200 to hear Father Bob’s Sermon on ‘If it feels good, don’t do it.’
And therein lies the reasoning for the recent depression in Nebraska. The Huskers suck!!! They are continuing to smash all sorts of amazing records that haven’t been touched since the 60’s, like losses in a season, yards allowed in one game, convicts on the team, not to mention a worse defense than Cincinnati, and 94 other teams in the country.
In an article of the Omaha World Herald on Friday titled “Gaining a grip amid the losses,” Robert Nelson mentions that he feels like much of the rest of the state: All that we know is going to Hell in a hand basket. A sad example of this is the impact to retailers. The Scarlet and Crème letter club is going out of business. I was drug around malls this weekend, and I noticed that Husker memorabilia is going on sale like someone found a severed finger sewed into one of the hems. Despite this, I saw no one with anything particularly red in their carts.
An old man that was in the same waiting room as I in Famous Dave’s took the opportunity of our 10 minute wait to tell me all about the stupid decisions of the UNL football program. “Them boys is more worried about chasing them girls and bein’ on TV than about hittin’ the guy in front of ‘em in the chops. And that Callahan, that boy’s a damn fool. A winnin’ record for 50 years and he goes and brings his Hollywood offense in…” Old guys rock my socks.
In his article, Nelson said that he talked with a psychologist or something who said that this might be good for the health of the state, that now people would have something to take their anger out on. Wise man once said, “Better to hate sucky football team than to beat child.” Thank you Mr. Callahan. Thank you for being so considerate to the state that you would sacrifice yourself for our mental health. Tea, anyone?